Indigo Incarnates

There are times like this (awake for no good reason very early in the morning) when it really sinks in as to what a freak I am. It's really no wonder that I have so few friends. I'm a freak. I really do know this. The result, of course, of my unnatural existence is that there are very few people who can abide my physical presence. It really depresses me sometimes. I sometimes wish that I didn't feel the need to connect with human beings.

I know I am a freak. I am reminded of it every day. This is especially reinforced by the constantly recurring feeling that the life-essence that powers this body doesn't really match this body. My body doesn't "fit" right. It's part of my clumsiness. It often feels lke the body is about 2" too tall and my reach is off by an inch. I run into walls and break things a lot by accident.

But aside from the physical mismatch, there is the problem that I am a non-human that is animating a human body. I think that, on some level, other people can sense this discord. People fear that which they don't understand. And that's part of why people do not stay friends with me. On a subconcious level, people can sense my inhumanity.