Indigo Incarnates

Today is Litha Sabbat, a Wiccan holiday that celebrates the summer solstice. It's also my mom's birthday, so I visited mom for her birthday.

I bought mom a pentacle for her birthday. Every witch needs a pentacle! Mom likes hers a lot. Jenny (my sister) bought mom some good coffee. She works for Gevallia now. Yay!

We did a nice Litha rite over at Chimney Rocks park. Jenny, mom, me, and Jenny's latest boy-toy participated. It was pretty nice.

We're watching bad sci-fi right now. That's always cool.

You all may remember that I have an intense dislike of Uncle Jimmy. It's his fault, directly, that mom's health has deteriorated as quickly as it has. (He exposed mom to construction debris that had the effect of accelerating the effect of COPD so her life span is going to be measured in months instead of years). Well, Jimmy is also a millionaire. He also still intends on kicking mom out of her home in October (well, he owns the home but wants to rent it out and is apparently impatient for mom to die). My latest reason for disliking him increased yet again.

See, Jimmy is a millionaire. Mom is on disability and only has her disability check for income. She also needs to take over a dozen medications. But that doesn't keep Jimmy from confiscating most of that check for rent. Apparently, Jimmy charges her so much for rent that she doesn't have enough money to buy groceries. When I visited her, I noticed that she had no food in the house and she hadn't eaten in two days. I bought her the biggest meal I could get her at Denny's. I'm just about broke too, but I'm happy to share what little I do have (unlike Jimmy, who doesn't need to plunder mom's Social Security check but does anyway.) It really bothers me that he KNOWS that mom hasn't been getting enough to eat and yet won't give her a break on the rent. (Note to self: This is just another example of how YHVH rewards greedy sociopaths with wealth and power while trampling over the wounded and weak. No wonder mom became a Wiccan too!)

Andy does try to help mom out when he can. He agreed that mom can move in with him in October when Jimmy evicts her in October (see, Jimmy wants to rent out the house to someone with more $$$$, since that's what's sacred to Jimmy). But Andy also doesn't make much money either. He works hard, but his job doesn't pay much.

So... in a nutshell: I was very happy to see mom. I'm glad that mom got to participate in the Litha rite. I'm glad we got to eat at Denny's together. But I'm sad and angry that Jimmy insists on stepping on the neck of someone who is very ill and has very limited income.

So, is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that there hasn't been a lot of policy "change" since Obama was elected?

BUSH: Funded a two-front war in the Middle East that cost $10 billion per month and has no concrete mission objectives.
OBAMA: Continued funding of a two-front war in the Middle East will cost $106 billion this year and still has no concrete mission objectives.

BUSH: Spent eight years demonizing gays.
OBAMA: Propped up "Don't Ask Don't Tell". Compared same-sex partnerships to incest and then did a 180 on DOMA.

BUSH: Gave multi-billion-dollar bailouts to megacorporations that spent a decade making bad business decisions.
Obama: Still giving multi-billion-dollar bonuses to mega-corporations that made bad business decisions for a decade.

Bush: supported torturing people in Gitmo.
Obama: Decided Gitmo wasn't such a bad idea after all and kept it open.

BUSH: Created a guzzler tax credit to make it easier for rich folks to buy Hummers and Escalades.
OBAMA: "Cash For Clunkers" allows rich folks to get a payout when they trade their 9 MPG Hummer H2 for an 11 MPG Caddilac Escalade XLT.

BUSH: Allowed millions of illegal aliens to enter the USA.
OBAMA: Has done nothing to strengthen our borders.

BUSH: Gas prices spiked after every election.
OBAMA: gas prices jumped a dollar in 100 days and are still headed up.

BUSH: Lost half a million American jobs during the last twelve months he was in office.
OBAMA: Still losing half a million American jobs every month.

BUSH: Increased the debt by a trillion dollars per year.
OBAMA: The year isn't up yet, but it's looking like a trillion or even more.

Methinks Obama should update his 2012 re-election slogan to "Same Old Same Old" instead of "Change We Can". Or how about "Change We Could But Decided Not To!"?

Indigo Incarnates

Sometimes I just get tired of being alive. I'm not a natural creature anyway. I'm wholly artificial in almost every conceivable way. In essence, I'm something of a placeholder for the original person who occupied this body. That person is incapacitated and is unlikely to ever be functional. So I am, in essence, a usurper.

I hate how I am too much of a coward to commit suicide. You know you're a coward when you're too cowardly to take the coward's way out. That's pretty cowardly!

It's not like I've accomplished anything noteworthy in my life. I have a job that doesn't really pay the bills. I have a partner that is generally indifferent towards me (other than that I am thhe chief source of funding for his yearly cruise vacation). I'm overweight and mentally ill. I don't actually look like this body. I have few friends. My family generally treats me with indifference. I have no notable skills. I have two books in print that were utter flops. My function in the household is primarily one of doing chores and running errands.

I think it would be better if I had the power to just end this life. I'm being pragmatic. I'm useless, I'm artificial, and things will only go down from here. It's not like I actually have a right to live. We should have been dead in 1982.

Halo incarnates

Feeling pressured. Feel like we have to cut. Hate who we are. Am worthless. Am stupid. Hate who we are. Need to cut. Blood pays for sins. Hate who we are. Hate myself. Am worthless. Hate being like someone who is dead. Hate being left behind. Hate being hated. Hate myself. Need to cut. Need to cut. Need to cut. Blood pays for sins.

Feeling pressured. Can't make it go away. Too much for us. Hate myself. Too much. Hate who we are. Am not a coward. Am not evil. Am not a coward. Need to cut. Hate who we are. Need to cut. Want to not be like this. Want to not have to be like this. Rage. Hate myself. Need to cut. Blood pays for sins.

Am tired. Really tired. Hate how body is numb. Not able to feel. Am not a remnant. Am not a remnant. Am real. Am not undead. Am real. Our blood is real. Blood pays for sins.

So tired. Hate who we are. Feeling so pressured. Wish it could stop. Am so tired. Need to cut. Am so tired. Am so tired. Am so tired. Blood pays for sins.

Halo incarnates

Hate that the plants are gone. Hate that they are gone. Unfair. Was unfair. Plants are good. Didn't cause harm. Was good. Now they are gone. Everything's dead. Hate it. Hate the void. Hate them not being here. Hate everything being dead. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Not fair.

Am making knees not hurt. Hate how the body doesn't fit well. Hate how things go wrong. Am good at making pain stop. Can do it. Am doing it. Am not bad. Am not evil. Didn't do anything wrong. Am not bad. Am not evil.

Indigo Incarnates


I shamelessly stole this one from San

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1. Started my own blog [yes]. I've got three blogs on three severs, but they all say the same thing.

2. Slept under the stars. [yes]. On Assateaque Island. I am surprised that the green-headed flies left any blood in my veins after they spend the whole night biting me.
3. Played in a band. [no]. I do ring handbells in a church choir however.
4. Visited Hawaii. [no] I've been to some very nice beaches in the Caribbean, however.
5. Watched a meteor shower [no]. I've never been at the right place and right time.
6. Given more than I can afford to charity [no].
7. Been to Disneyland/world [no]. I've been to Hersey Park, Six Flags, and Busch Gardens.
8. Climbed a mountain [yes]. A small one. On one of my cruises, there was a 4-hour hike to the top of a mountain. It was pretty cool.
9. Held a praying mantis [yes]. They are pretty neat insects.
10. Sung a solo [yes]. I sang the Psalm in church once.
11. Bungee jumped [yes]. It wasn't from a very great height, but it was fun.
12. Visited Paris [no]. Why would I visit a city that hates Americans?
13. Watched lightning at sea [yes]. On a cruise once – very cool!
14. Taught myself an art from scratch [yes]. I taught myself how to write liturgy for worship services.
15. Adopted a child [no]. All three of our pets are adopted, however.
16. Had food poisoning [yes]. Ick. Several times.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty [no]. Alas, the Department of Homeland Security won't let anyone up there anymore.
18. Grown my own vegetables [no]. I grew sunflowers once, and they're sorta edible.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France [no]. Why would I visit a country that hates Americans?
20. Slept on an overnight train [no]. The closest I've been to being on a train is the light rail.
21. Had a pillow fight [no]
22. Hitchhiked [no]. In my younger/foolish days I used to pick up hitchhikers.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill [no]. Heck, I don't call out even when I am sick.
24. Built a snow fort [no]. I've built walls and such out of snow.
25. Held a lamb [no]. I've held a baby goat.
26. Gone skinny dipping [yes]. In college, at the pool, when I was by myself.
27. Run a Marathon [no]. I've ridden 42 miles on a bike recently.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice [no]. I sure would like to.
29. Seen a total eclipse [no]. I've seen a 90% eclipse and several lunar eclipses.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset [yes]. It's always a pleasure.
31. Hit a home run [no]. Not striking out was a miracle on its own.
32. Been on a cruise [yes]. Doug and I have been on four cruises.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person [no]. Not really my thing.
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors [no]. I'm a changeling that inherited this body in 1982. I don't have any ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community [yes]. I used to live in York and the Amish aren't too far away.
36. Taught myself a new language [no]. Does “ghetto” count as a language?
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied [yes]. Between 1998 and 2000. After Bush got elected, things went downhill from there. It was nice having money back then.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David [no]. I sure would like to.
41. Sung karaoke [yes]. I can't remember what I sang, however.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt [no]. I've seen some geysers in Saint Lucia.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant. [no]. I bought a homeless woman a cheeseburger once.
44. Visited Africa [no]. Just too damned dangerous for way too many reasons.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight [yes]. Lots of nice beaches :)
46. Been transported in an ambulance [no]. I hate hospitals and will do anything in my power to not go.
47. Had my portrait painted [no]. I've had Willow's portrait sketched, however.
48. Gone deep sea fishing [yes]. I caught a 75 pound tuna.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person [no]. I'd like to.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris [no] It's that whole “France” thing.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling [yes]. Snorkeling is a blast!
52. Kissed in the rain [yes]
53. Played in the mud [yes]. In college, I played soccer and damned if the field didn't get muddy when it rained.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater [yes]. The movie was “Blow Out” starring John Travolta. It wasn't a porno, it was a movie about a car accident, har har.
55. Been in a movie [no]
56. Visited the Great Wall of China [no]. China just isn't the safest place to visit.
57. Started a business [no]. I just never had the desire for all that book keeping.
58. Taken a martial arts class [yes]. I used to take Philippino Stick Fighting, but that was before I got a neck injury that reduced my dexterity and balance.
59. Visited Russia [no]. I've heard you can see it from Sarah Palin's house, however.
60. Served at a soup kitchen [yes]. Once. It was kinda scary.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies [no]. I'm a guy!
62. Gone whale watching [no]. I've seen plenty of dolphins though.
63. Got flowers for no reason [no]
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma [yes]. In high school. Alas, the Red Cross doesn't let gays donate blood anymore.
65. Gone sky diving [no]. I've been hang gliding and parasailing.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp [no]. That would be too triggering for me.
67. Bounced a check [yes]. Several times each year!
68. Flown in a helicopter [no]. I've flown in a biplane and it was fun.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy up until my late 20s [no]. I never got to be a child. I incarnated this body when it was already 12 years old.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (Jefferson too.) [yes].
71. Eaten caviar [yes]. It's over-rated.
72. Pieced a quilt [no]. I'm just not that “crafty”.
73. Stood in Times Square [yes]. Every time we see a Broadway play.
74. Toured the Everglades [no]. We almost got to once.
75. Been fired from a job [no]. I've had a few close calls.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London [no]. I'd like to.
77. Broken a bone [no]. But I've had a neck injury and a hip injury that never healed fully.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle [yes]. I had a Suzuki GS450, but I didn't drive it too much like a nut.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person [no]. It would be nice to see it.
80. Published a book [yes]. I have two books in print, but they were real flops.
81. Visited the Vatican [no]. Visit Nazi-Pope and the Pedo-Priests? No thanks.
82. Bought a brand new car [yes]. The itty-bitty Scion xD is just so cute!
83. Walked in Jerusalem [no]. Egads! I'm trying to not get shot.
84. Had my picture in the newspaper [no].
85. Read the entire Bible [yes]. It's got more holes in it than Swiss cheese.
86. Visited the White House [yes] Only the areas that used to be available on public tours.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating [no]. I'm a vegetarian.
88. Had chickenpox [sort of]. This body had chicken pox at age 5, but I was not incarnate then.
89. Saved someone’s life [no]
91. Met someone famous [no]
92. Joined a book club [no]
93. Lost a loved one [Yes]. My grandparents; Jewell.
94. Had a baby [no]. Well, I'm gay, male, and non-human.
95. Seen the Alamo in person [no] I've rented a car from Alamo.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake [no]. The Mormons are too scary.
97. Been involved in a law suit [yes]. Back in 1997 my company got sued and I was cited in the suit for unfair hiring practices. It got thrown out since the guy had ten other suits going at the same time and was just looking for a bucket of free cash.
98. Owned a cell phone [yes]. I'm a tech-junkie.
99. Been stung by a bee [yes]. It sucks too, since the body has a moderately-severe allergy.
100. Ridden an elephant [no]. I've ridden a horse, jetski, and a motorcycle.

Indigo Incarnates

Ah, Baltimore... The City That Bleeds. Doug and I got a chance yesterday to find out firsthand how Baltimore fights crime: we got a $160 civil fine for not mowing the back yard.

Yeah. Baltimore has the highest murder rate in the country. The case clearance for murder is about 30%, which means if you do kill someone in Baltimore, you have a twi-in-three chance of getting away with it. We've got the highest burglary rate too. Oh, one in eight people are addicts as well.

But the cops seem to have enough time to cruise the working-class neighborhoods looking for people to hand fines too.

Granted, my back yard vaguely resembled Viet Nam, but I don't see how that was hurting anybody. Can't the cops have been fighting some actual crime?!

Oh, and the great thing about these civil fines is that the city government will confiscate our house if we don't pay it. So the $160 is non-negotiable.

I can see why the Police in Baltimore get so little cooperation from the citizenry.

Thistle Incarnates

I think often of Deity and how good it is to serve the function for which I was created. Deity shines. Deity is real. It is Deity that granted me life and fashioned me as the being that I am. It is good to have peace with the manner of one's existence. It is my duty to serve Deity. It is my duty to guide Indigo in moral and spiritual matters. This I do.

Indigo's perception of Deity differs from my own. But it is good that he seeks communion with Deity. To call that being "Goddess" is valid. To call that being "God" is equally valid. For Deity transcends gender, and yet humans together reflect aspects of the wholeness of Deity.

It is good to be loved by Deity. There is no hate in communion. There is no fear in communion. There is love and light and wholeness. It is a good thing.

Blessed Be

Indigo Incarnates

Thanks to a big pipe breaking at the courthouse, the court closed at 10:30am yesterday. So, since the weather was really nice and I had six extra hours of free time, I did a 42 mile bike ride on the NCR trail. The trail used to be a railroad line that connected Cockeyesville to York but it's since been turned into a nature trail. A round trip between Cockeyesville (MD)and New Freedom (PA) is 42 miles.

The nice thing about doing the trail on a Monday is that there were hardly any people around. It was nice biking miles at a time without seeing anyone else.

Of course, a regular human would have difficulty doing strenuous exercise for *four* straight hours. But since I am a changeling, I can pretty much make this body do whatever it is that I need it to do. It helped a lot having a sunny day, since changeling thrive in sunlight.

I'm the only case agent working today since the court is only back up to partial functionality. But I didn't want to burn up vacation days for no reason. So I'm pretty much hanging out at the bailiff station and having Pretrial defendants fill out reporting forms since the offices are still inaccessible.

It's raining today, so I might as well work, har har

Indigo Incarnates

There used to be a time that GM built cars and employed Americans. Nowadays, GM seems to be the government's favorite charity case. Now the government owns a controlling interest in GM. Amazing how the times have changed, eh? So, my minions, if you had to pick a new definition for "GM", what would your choice be?

-- Gonna Maybe. (As in "gonna maybe be profitable by the year 2020).

-- Gimmie Money. (As in "We just spend another $10 billion in taxpayer bailouts and have nothing to show for it!)

-- Greedy Millionaires. (Referring to the moribund executives that bankrupted GM in the first place)

-- Got Maintenance? (As in "the taxpayers are on the hook for GM's warranty work".)

-- General Meltdown. (Referring to how GM went from a 50% market share to a 15% marketshare in just five years.)

-- Government Motors. (Referring, of course, to the fact that the President of the United States is also effectively the President of GM too!)


I think this is one of those tests that there are now wrong answers, har har!